I've made a new xanga site. I want to write differently now. I also want to write about different types of things. There has been a tendency in these posts towards

1) ranting

2) being overcritical/judgmental

   It is possible to stand in the Lord in a gentle and kind way. In fact, it's much more effective. But man, that hasn't been me. I've been overconfrontational at times. "God's kindness leads you toward repentance." (rom 2:4)

   I guess I will still probably write about things related to Christ a lot, because He is my Lord. but I think it will read different. I'm going to try and write about everyday things more too. I know this is the only way I stay in touch with some people...I want you guys to know what's going on.

new site= www.xanga.com/bleedfreely

   Thanks for your time

    A) I think I am a lot more mature as a christian but I miss the emotion of wanting to know Christ more. I know people say you can't trust emotions. I'm really mostly a logical person. But man, I miss those times of just coming to God like a child, just begging to know Him more...there has to be some paradoxical coexistence here. I don't want maturity and living according to the Word in wisdom to cause me to become dry and to lose a childish wonder of God.

     B) As I've been reading literature both for Bible school and for pleasure, it has struck me how often God has brought friends together earlier in life and kept them in contact to use them together later for a special purpose. I am wondering if God wille ver bring restoration to all that has happened with my past? I don't want to go back to 2000 before all those things happened back in Ohio. I guess I just wish that some of us who had been in the youth group had really had a lot of support from our church. But how much was I the one who prevented it? I don't know. I guess, if I am ever a pastor, or for that matter contributing to the church in any way, I can now appreciate the value of keeping close relationships and encouraging people in their faith. So many times at college when most of my friends wanted to live for the pleasures of the world instead of God I felt like I was fighting all alone. I didn't feel like there was anyone I could call and talk to from my church. In fact I usually had my faith questioned. I look now, and a good amount of people that were in my youth group have turned away. It makes me sad.

     How cool would it be to look back 60 years from now and see where God first brought you into contact with someone...and see His providence in bringing you together for a cause? Whether Bible translation or missions to the unreached or bringing back the preaching of a pure (not watered-down) gospel, or having a place where inner city kids can get away from the drugs and gangs and just hang out and be exposed to Christ, or whatever else you can think of that would be for the Kingdom.

     So I guess the thing is that I need to seek out these types of friendships. More than that I need to ask for them in prayer...and keep asking...and keep asking.

    I really hope it will be your ambition to leave the legacy of a holy life for God, and I really hope God sends you some friends along the way.

it's amazing how we take on different personalities around different sets of people. It seems like I have a different face for each of the different regions of the country I've lived in.

Is that something we all day-show different facets of ourselves to different groups?

   It's funny how we change as people. 3 years ago I would have been jumping up and down excited to be here @ New Tribes Bible Institute. Now I am glad, but reserved in my thoughts and in my actions. I learned to open up so much @ Liberty; it was such a time of healing for me from the past God saved me out of. Then, I made some bad choices, went astray, and returned to living in sin for half a year. And I kind of just shut down for a while. On this trip to Brazil God really started healing my scars again...I'm feeling emotions again...But I think some of these changes have been for good.

   One of those changes has been that my zeal to live for God has been tempered by the whole counsel of God. Before I took a few things-reading the Bible everyday, evangelism, praying without ceasing, taking care of the temple, and scripture memorization-and ran with them as what it is to follow God. But you know...I ignored so much of what the Bible says. I was lazy, prideful, a bad listener, unforgiving, and not persevering. I ran whenever it got hard.

   So here I am @ New Tribes, and that's good. We need to take the gospel to those who have not heard. But on the other hand, I wonder if evangelism is so accentuated, and a certain tradition of christianity so accentuated, that a lot of other things might be neglected.

   I'm where I have wanted to be for years...and yet somehow I still feel like the wanderer who has no home or family that I've been for all those years as well. What a very weird sensation. I'm just glad I have the Lord.

well, I'm sorry to anyone I didn't get to say bye to. I'll try to be back to visit! God willing I should be back for sure this summer, but after that, I don't know if I'm coming back to Virginia.

School is not forever...

Time for me to shove out. God bless meus amigos!